chickenwalrus

Search for a member

chickenwalrus

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2747
  • Number of comments : 146
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

chickenwalrus's page activity

Visits<b>yergenferfer</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 12:15am<b>anonyferret</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 9:50am<b>ItsAlly</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 2:28pm<b>ozzytheoso8</b> - the 07/22/2016 at 12:52am<b>ZacIngmire</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 7:42pm<b>UnidentifiedFun</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 6:36pm<b>pd93</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 7:42am<b>PhantomKitty</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 8:45pm<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 3:45pm<b>machone</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 11:48pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 8:51pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 5:11pm<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 7:42pm<b>obewonstrangeone</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 10:12am<b>plsdonthateme</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 10:31pm<b>jill97</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 4:13am<b>LORDLYPSO</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 4:21pm<b>Bustedbutsilent</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 4:15pm

Fucked!<b>KangarooRat</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 3:01am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 3:53pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 9:43pm

chickenwalrus's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of chickenwalrus's badges

chickenwalrus's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

by not the scalpel / 09/15/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm / United States / Love

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

by anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 2:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

by cloudberry / 05/27/2012 at 4:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

by foshizzle / 04/25/2012 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

by intheairtonight / 04/25/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

by anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

by Kristat / 04/01/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Work

Today, I had to re-grade a student's assignments because neither he, nor his parents can read "Spanish." I'd written in cursive. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Washington) / Work