chickenwalrus

Search for a member

chickenwalrus

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2469
  • Number of comments : 146
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

chickenwalrus's page activity

Visits<b>PhantomKitty</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 8:45pm<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 3:45pm<b>machone</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 11:48pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 8:51pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 5:11pm<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 7:42pm<b>obewonstrangeone</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 10:12am<b>plsdonthateme</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 10:31pm<b>jill97</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 4:13am<b>LORDLYPSO</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 4:21pm<b>Bustedbutsilent</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 4:15pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 10:09pm<b>A_Rabid_Dear</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 10:34pm<b>SleepyPharma</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 5:45pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 7:20pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 1:09pm<b>Necropool</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 3:06pm<b>SAGARCo</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 7:07pm

Fucked!<b>KangarooRat</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 3:01am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 3:53pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 9:43pm

chickenwalrus's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of chickenwalrus's badges

chickenwalrus's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 7:43am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

by SierraDiaz2097 / 03/23/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

by Susan / 03/18/2013 at 4:59am / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

by Dimples / 01/03/2013 at 6:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

by i fking love docb / 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Love

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

by i fking love docb / 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Love

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous