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chaosincarnate's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 7:44am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
by scared shitless in ohio / 09/25/2013 at 4:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by nicetomeetyou2 / 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by vrossie_ / 09/08/2013 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Python22 / 09/04/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML
by Hannahb17 / 08/23/2013 at 6:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
by toriforever / 07/05/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
by dad / 06/29/2009 at 12:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
by madzlovesgee / 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by Gob / 01/16/2009 at 9:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so… Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he… Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when…
- Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s…