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cerealman

Offline (the 12/29/2015 at 6:51am) | Search for a member

cerealman

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5521
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About cerealman : Uhm, 15 almost 16. I love music, no joke. That's about it. I'm a pretty boring person I guess.

Never mind. I'm 16 now.
Never mind. 17 now.
Never mind. 18 now.
20...still here.

cerealman's page activity

Visits<b>ty7in_topic</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 2:55am<b>AlonsoKold</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 8:24pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/22/2013 at 4:48pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 1:18am<b>Giuls</b> - the 06/12/2013 at 4:56pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 01/16/2013 at 7:32am

cerealman's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of cerealman's badges

cerealman's favorite FMLs

Today, some asshat ran onto the road and tried and jump over my car as I drove by. He didn't make the jump. FML

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

#21427606
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31955) - you deserved it (9232)

On 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm - kids - by RecentCollegeGrad (woman) -

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML

#21320202
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32066) - you deserved it (6468)

On 12/19/2014 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

#21314927
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34100) - you deserved it (2819)

On 12/10/2014 at 9:05am - misc - by NotAnInLawFamilyMan (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

#21300835
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30660) - you deserved it (3639)

On 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43688) - you deserved it (13255)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

#21289931
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37101) - you deserved it (3392)

On 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm - kids - by ThaBoss12 - United States (California)

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35936) - you deserved it (13647)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

#21288944
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37564) - you deserved it (2929)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:31am - animals - by noxiffic (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

#21288917
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34844) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my friend drove up a parking lot and I unbuckled my seatbelt as soon as we were parked. He then suddenly saw a better spot right in front and moved his car. When I got out, a police officer approached me, saying I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. I was fined for that. FML

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

#21285416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36342) - you deserved it (2541)

On 10/26/2014 at 1:53am - work - by iskiel (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

#21265865
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38147) - you deserved it (4330)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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