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cda2090's favorite FMLs
Today, I texted my friend and asked her what her sad status on Facebook was about. She texted me back saying her step-mother had passed away. I tried to reply with "awwh" but my phone autocorrected it to "ahaha." FML
by iPhonekid / 05/27/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML
by footscratching / 01/28/2012 at 1:27am / United States / Kids
by crazydog / 06/10/2011 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by FrOsTy25 / 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML
by QuicksilverMaximoff / 01/30/2011 at 9:46am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Kids
Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML
by can't breathe / 11/22/2010 at 6:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health
by tstaeger / 07/24/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Oregon) / Health
by DaddyZ / 06/27/2010 at 9:30am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML
by disguested / 03/04/2010 at 3:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 12:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML
by whoopsiedoodle / 05/21/2009 at 8:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML
by Noname / 03/14/2009 at 11:56pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
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- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got… Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own… Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing…