About cb1002630 : Bachelor of Biology. I absolutely love The Office and can quote vast amounts of epicness on command.
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cb1002630's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/13/2013 at 6:53pm / United States / Money
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 3:38pm / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Animals
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
by no tea parties here, gran / 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by kimhinesvoinea / 04/07/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
by child of a crazed women / 04/07/2013 at 5:19am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was approached by a What Not to Wear kind of show, where you get money to buy a new wardrobe. I was so excited that I fainted. They revoked the offer, reasoning that someone who faints so easily would be too much of a liability risk. FML
by SoClose / 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML
by letdown13 / 04/03/2013 at 12:50pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML
by Anonymous / 03/30/2013 at 4:38pm / Germany (Bayern) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML
by My Life Is Just PERFECT / 03/30/2013 at 11:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:37am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 12:38am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays
Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML
by apparentlytoougly / 03/27/2013 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…