captenawesome

Search for a member

Offline (the 06/06/2016 at 2:56am)

captenawesome

6Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2971
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About captenawesome : Although I don't enjoy most people's company, I enjoy their misfortunes.

captenawesome's page activity

Visits<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 12:54am<b>peachykeen93</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 4:19pm<b>linderp</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 3:54pm<b>wheresmymary</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 12:10am<b>firefighterwife</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 9:21pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 12:20am<b>_Tater_Tot_</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 12:09pm<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 6:03am<b>sarahyep</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 10:06pm<b>Miss_Mandi</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 10:50pm<b>koolboi69</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:07pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 5:14pm<b>stevieman99</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 4:39pm<b>haleymak_</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 10:17am<b>pharm121</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 9:09pm<b>Thisisascam</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 7:59pm<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 10:09am<b>delilablue95</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 4:08am

Fucked!<b>Hop6e</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 6:20am<b>sarahyep</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 4:07am<b>pharm121</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 3:09am<b>whitnayfortooh</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 8:20pm<b>carrela</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 12:22am<b>i_love_him_</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 10:09pm

captenawesome's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of captenawesome's badges

captenawesome's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 8:07am / Intimacy

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2015 at 6:54pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Health

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 8:12am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

by aishyaslife89 / 10/06/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I saw my ex boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2015 at 8:16am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

by anonymous / 09/13/2015 at 11:34am / Luxembourg / Work

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

by I didn't though / 09/10/2015 at 12:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

by annonymous / 09/07/2015 at 4:56pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 9:26am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

by babbling idiot / 08/14/2015 at 5:35am / Canada / Work

Today, while enjoying the nice weather in a park, I opened my eyes to the sight of some guy jacking off, half-hidden behind a tree. FML

by ssjfml / 08/11/2015 at 10:56am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 12:02am / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

by fishingforubies2 / 07/24/2015 at 10:02am / Aruba / Work