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captainwiggiams

Offline (the 01/09/2015 at 1:17am) | Search for a member

captainwiggiams

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 October 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 559
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About captainwiggiams : I wake up every morning and piss greatness.

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captainwiggiams's favorite FMLs

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30267) - you deserved it (7981)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, a guy told me I "kind of look like a girl" if he looked at me from the right angle. Well, I am a girl, and this is the closest thing to a compliment that I've gotten in years. FML

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40689) - you deserved it (5682)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42426) - you deserved it (11623)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41346) - you deserved it (4347)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

#21083945
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44783) - you deserved it (6117)

On 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by littlefinger (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

#20974597
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44207) - you deserved it (7232)

On 11/29/2013 at 10:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45942) - you deserved it (4837)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

#20858245
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56049) - you deserved it (4435)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Thanks everyone (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

#20855295
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56417) - you deserved it (4081)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

#20854994
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51760) - you deserved it (13524)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

#20854260
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46147) - you deserved it (3006)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

#20789918
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39145) - you deserved it (13729)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:41am - misc - by booger (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

#20766295
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52246) - you deserved it (4469)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:17am - love - by walker - United States



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