capnbzarr

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Offline (the 05/03/2016 at 4:11am)

capnbzarr

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capnbzarrcapnbzarr
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 November 1982 (33 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4997
  • Number of comments : 607
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About capnbzarr : Sometimes, there's a man.

capnbzarr's page activity

Visits<b>5t3ff1k4h</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 2:59pm<b>narwhalicious</b> - the 08/08/2016 at 6:55pm<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 11:04am<b>katjas</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 9:45pm<b>Dusty_Cups</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 6:10pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 2:17pm<b>demix</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 6:31pm<b>ClaraLYW</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 6:47am<b>jill97</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 11:38am<b>refticon</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 11:10am<b>sabby7</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 12:18pm<b>noah_sutton</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 3:44pm<b>yellow33</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 12:48pm<b>laurenada</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 2:46pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 11:37am<b>mineller</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 6:40pm<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 10:41am<b>mistykitten</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 9:31pm

Fucked!<b>HighlandShadows</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:02am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 1:17am<b>saraitkddh</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 2:01pm<b>mwali02</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 1:44am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 3:36am<b>pixie158</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 7:46pm<b>watermelon15</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 2:30pm

capnbzarr's FML badges

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capnbzarr's favorite FMLs

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

by bleredoshia / 04/08/2010 at 12:27am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

by Parental / 01/22/2010 at 12:08am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

by Painful / 10/05/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

by Ohshit / 05/17/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

by whatdoyoudo / 03/16/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

by Jon / 03/14/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML

by goodbye / 03/08/2009 at 8:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

by sprocket / 02/28/2009 at 1:55pm / Hong Kong / Love

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

by Slipperywhenwet / 02/28/2009 at 8:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

by addictedtofml / 02/24/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

by unlucky_vee_13 / 02/23/2009 at 5:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

by thegoldenboy3 / 02/12/2009 at 7:14am / Spain (Andalucia) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

by Big B / 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy