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Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36924) - you deserved it (4007)

On 10/04/2011 at 12:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML


I agree, your life sucks (36347) - you deserved it (6020)

On 08/17/2011 at 2:50am - intimacy - by Frank (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML


I agree, your life sucks (8141) - you deserved it (69901)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56205) - you deserved it (17395)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML


I agree, your life sucks (46579) - you deserved it (4855)

On 06/03/2011 at 6:17am - intimacy - by peaaaak (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35217) - you deserved it (6891)

On 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm - health - by Amy - United States (New Jersey)

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