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caffeineneko45's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/21/2012 at 7:14pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 07/06/2010 at 2:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2010 at 12:19am / United States (New York) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML
by sigh... / 06/25/2010 at 2:44am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Doritos / 06/17/2010 at 4:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by Nick / 01/26/2010 at 4:26pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids
by mylifesucks / 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
by unbelievable208 / 08/05/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
by thefailure / 08/02/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML
by fedexed / 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
by onething / 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
by spitballer1 / 07/06/2009 at 12:54pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring… Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working… Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex…