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caffeineneko45's favorite FMLs
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
by ktiskool / 08/01/2013 at 12:03am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by TheStressComesFree / 07/31/2013 at 12:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Bnewlove / 07/31/2013 at 12:50am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by TheSacredTeddyBear / 07/30/2013 at 11:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by imagrouch / 07/30/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Animals
by confusedmofo / 07/29/2013 at 2:35am / Indonesia / Love
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by ¬_¬ / 07/27/2013 at 6:43pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Miscellaneous
by moms know best??? / 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML
by poopiter / 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm / Finland / Kids
Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML
by Anonycunt / 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love
Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML
by Odnel / 07/27/2013 at 12:47am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,…
- Today, my birth mother, yet again, tried to get in contact with me, even though I made it plain I… Today, I was disowned by my mother because I asked her to tone it down on Facebook. She flipped out… Today, my best friend, who just got his drivers license, convinced me to take my dads brand new car…