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caffeineneko45's favorite FMLs
Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML
by pardon my English :$ / 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm / France / Work
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML
by names suck and so do I / 08/08/2013 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Love
by noiguessitsbroken :( / 08/07/2013 at 8:24am / Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis) / Miscellaneous
by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard / 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm / United States / Love
by GirlfriendsAreBadForYourBack / 08/06/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML
by Nick / 08/06/2013 at 10:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
by zackeryburch / 08/03/2013 at 9:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML
by kimm1993 / 08/03/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML
by fuck people / 08/02/2013 at 4:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML
by lights on forever / 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm / Turkey (Istanbul) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 11:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 3:36am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by confused_girl / 08/01/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other.… Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often… Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach…