cactus

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cactus

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8220
  • Number of comments : 316
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About cactus : I'm Miranda.

cactus's page activity

Visits<b>Parkourlife20</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 10:11am<b>Chibster</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 4:57pm<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 4:41am<b>NordicNathan</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 6:59am<b>wil1029</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 7:28pm<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 10:07am<b>MrScootyPuffSr</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 10:33am<b>jill97</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 5:45am<b>lombcover</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 12:18am<b>dontmindme7</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 12:30am<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 12:07pm<b>snooper123</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 3:34pm<b>Kayouri</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 11:32pm<b>ryfri</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 11:58pm<b>Grayy</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 6:11am<b>FMLollipop</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 1:10am<b>max367</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 5:43pm<b>allred1997</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 5:25am

Fucked!<b>lombcover</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 5:18am<b>allred1997</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 11:25am<b>Contiinuous</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 7:22pm<b>Roozb</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 8:41pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 10:27pm

cactus's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

cactus's favorite FMLs

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

by ohgod / 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

by cricketeer / 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

by AidenFromSweden / 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

by blinded / 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

by Grossedouttt / 07/04/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

by kewlio45 / 07/01/2009 at 2:33am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

by KBO / 06/08/2009 at 2:54am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

by KPKallery / 06/05/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

by Jerrrr / 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

by morningeyes / 05/19/2009 at 10:19am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

by SKuser / 05/19/2009 at 4:09am / China (Beijing) / Love

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

by emoney / 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous