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bshefler's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML


I agree, your life sucks (49852) - you deserved it (8766)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML


I agree, your life sucks (49725) - you deserved it (8989)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML


I agree, your life sucks (51080) - you deserved it (22952)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54406) - you deserved it (4762)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML


I agree, your life sucks (46895) - you deserved it (5693)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50911) - you deserved it (10187)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45483) - you deserved it (5538)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46741) - you deserved it (5564)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42833) - you deserved it (3215)

On 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm - health - by jnisla (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

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