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brewmasterg

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brewmasterg
  • Town/Country : Melbourne, Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2026
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

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brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

#21102656
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37738) - you deserved it (5276)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:16am - kids - by IcyWinter - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36545) - you deserved it (27574)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

#21101310
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36694) - you deserved it (2972)

On 03/31/2014 at 8:43pm - misc - by awks - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

#21100140
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40921) - you deserved it (3308)

On 03/30/2014 at 12:50pm - love - by starfishedasshole (man) - United States

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

#21098906
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35411) - you deserved it (3103)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19896) - you deserved it (33358)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML

#21096273
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39983) - you deserved it (3052)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (15264)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

#21091449
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41111) - you deserved it (8646)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:31am - animals - by cat whisperer - United States

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (3234)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

#21089901
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40627) - you deserved it (3084)

On 03/18/2014 at 10:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

#21089760
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32298) - you deserved it (3435)

On 03/18/2014 at 4:10am - work - by aziraphaleelle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

#21088206
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40232) - you deserved it (3290)

On 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

#21086642
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44711) - you deserved it (4921)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by polebitch49 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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