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brat0064's FML badges
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brat0064's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML
by seriously! / 03/19/2013 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by noooooooo / 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML
by butnotlikethat / 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm / China (Jiangxi) / Intimacy
by Kimberpoo / 03/14/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
by ugh / 03/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall / 03/10/2013 at 2:50pm / Cyprus (Nicosia) / Love
by Amanda / 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm / Canada / Kids
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
by shittysongs / 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm / United States (Washington) / Work
- Today, while in a CROWDED restaurant, my mother asked my grandfather what he was going in to order.… Today, I saved up enough money to get my phone fixed because the screen had broke. Excited leaving… Today, after walking home from school for 3 years in the hot, Texas sun, I saw my "friend" getting…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…