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brat0064's FML badges
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brat0064's favorite FMLs
Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML
by bob the builder / 11/08/2012 at 9:36am / United States (Mississippi) / Health
Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML
by Shauna / 11/08/2012 at 6:09am / United States / Kids
Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by pheebs314 / 11/07/2012 at 4:16pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML
by no cake for me / 11/07/2012 at 2:31am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML
by NotAnExcuse / 11/07/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Transportation
by jailofc / 11/07/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
by Misunderstood Waitress / 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Work
Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML
by new name / 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Ugggggggggg / 11/06/2012 at 12:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 2:21pm / United Kingdom / Love
by poro123 / 11/05/2012 at 12:39am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
by spiderwoman / 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Animals
by bigbum / 11/04/2012 at 4:50am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
- Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping… Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by… Today, in a queue to the ATM, a hot girl was standing in front of me. The girl's boyfriend grabbed…