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brat0064's FML badges
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brat0064's favorite FMLs
Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML
by allgassedout / 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 4:54pm / United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea) / Kids
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
by whovian / 12/25/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by VCDUDE11FTW / 12/25/2014 at 4:13am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 6:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by That_Indian_Guy / 11/15/2014 at 8:25am / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML
by BurnedDown / 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm / United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire) / Intimacy
Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by max / 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by epic174 / 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm / United States / Holidays
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 11:47am / United States (Virginia) / Love
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of…