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Offline (the 09/13/2015 at 2:20am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1715
  • Number of comments : 886
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

About brandoneyez1 : favorite quote;

"If you're not laughing, you're not living."

I love reading FML and sharing the misfortunes of every day life. I think it proves we are fallible and can find humor in many situations. The best part of FML is we all have our moments.

I'm running low on fucks to give. Feel free to message me. I may have an extra fuck or two stashed away ;)
Feel free to message me.

brandoneyez1's page activity

Visits<b>BoneCollector</b> - the 11/08/2016 at 7:51pm<b>oh2hell</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 11:07pm<b>Slandora</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 9:08am<b>missa8604</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 10:41pm<b>PinkaLotaPoka</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 12:18am<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 1:21pm<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 5:13am<b>peeta0330</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:27pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 11:15pm<b>chrissy0</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 8:36am<b>constipation</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 8:03pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 6:00pm<b>nerdtron430</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 5:49am<b>mikelangele</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 1:34am<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 9:39am<b>bellawood</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 2:08am<b>draftskink</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 11:26pm<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 11:53am

Fucked!<b>bellawood</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 8:08am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 6:52am<b>AddictGamer</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 5:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 12:31pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 3:05am<b>CandyDawg</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 6:07am<b>keithsbooty</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 1:51am<b>lovely_mess3</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 3:52am<b>cottoncandylips</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 4:09am<b>missa8604</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 2:38pm<b>notlovely</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 8:45am<b>summer135790</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 3:09am<b>juststephhere</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 7:48pm<b>isabella1501</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 6:42pm

brandoneyez1's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

See all of brandoneyez1's badges

brandoneyez1's favorite FMLs

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

by TNDriver / 07/16/2013 at 9:12am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals