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bmba94's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
bmba94's favorite FMLs
Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I was at work at a supermarket straightening shelves in the food aisles. Just as I had finished and got ready to clock out, I heard a giant crash. A lady in a motor scooter knocked over an entire aisle of canned goods. She got up and walked away just fine, pretending nothing happened. FML
by acidonymous / 07/09/2015 at 12:32am / United States (Michigan) / Work
by momoftheyearedition / 07/08/2015 at 11:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
by welpwelpwelp / 07/08/2015 at 1:45pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Love
Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML
by whoops / 07/08/2015 at 12:30pm / Taiwan / Holidays
by Johnvris / 07/08/2015 at 10:44am / Aruba / Love
Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML
by Softball / 07/08/2015 at 9:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML
by coolcat10156 / 07/08/2015 at 3:04am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by KaylaRox1908 / 07/07/2015 at 10:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
by notacreep / 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by but cum to think of it... / 07/03/2015 at 5:29pm / Intimacy
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, my flight was at the other side of the airport. I ran to the gate, to find that the flight had moved to the other side of the airport. So I ran again to miss my plane by a minute. However I did get a new flight... at the other end of the airport. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2015 at 3:09pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2015 at 1:54pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous
by stink / 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work