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bmba94's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
bmba94's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2016 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found the engagement ring I'd bought and been missing for a week. On my girlfriend's hand. While my childhood friend was inside her. They apparently like pretending she's married while doing this. They made this self-discovery a week ago. Good for them. I don't want the ring back. FML
by CogadhTallon / 12/29/2015 at 9:11pm / United States / Intimacy
by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML
by sarahrachel / 12/14/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
by shat / 12/12/2015 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by WeightonmyShoulders / 12/11/2015 at 4:10pm / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by accidentalnorman / 12/07/2015 at 5:11am / Intimacy
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2015 at 12:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
by angelisa / 11/21/2015 at 9:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:48pm / United States / Health
Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML
by Me / 11/19/2015 at 5:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, we were given an essay topic in English. The assignment involves us picking a politician by…
- Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…