Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1093
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About blondeamazonian : In a nutshell... I am an over caffeinated barista, a welder chick with no fucks given, and a crazy cat lady in training. And I like to dirt bike. A lot.


blondeamazonian's page activity

Visits<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 8:14pm<b>ItsaBucsLife</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 11:56am<b>Soninuva</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 2:26am<b>DA_JUDGE123</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:53am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 11:02pm<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 10:59pm<b>blackfire20</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 7:30pm<b>BstMode</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 6:29pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 8:34pm<b>a816090</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 10:30am<b>a3gab</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 7:08am<b>fhlakd</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 1:14am<b>zerolight</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 5:12pm<b>witwicky33</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 9:47am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 8:42am<b>youdumbstick</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 8:33am<b>itsjustemcee</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 3:22am<b>Xquisite1</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 12:03am

Fucked!<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 3:30am<b>TehAnderz</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 12:41am<b>aliceinneverland</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 2:42pm<b>jrmertz00</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 8:53pm<b>meatball4122</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:24am<b>Mechazilla2</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 2:46am<b>eliiteXXXninja</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 2:00am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 1:48am<b>apineapple</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:36am<b>RA91</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 6:36pm<b>giantsfan2010</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:11pm<b>Codezlol</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 8:13am<b>EclipseCandy6</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 10:07am<b>pugpuggy</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 9:18am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 11:13pm<b>imerichello</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 10:12pm<b>Zacky_Chan</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 4:32am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 11:47pm

blondeamazonian's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of blondeamazonian's badges

blondeamazonian's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23140) - you deserved it (1349)

On 09/24/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by cougar26 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29119) - you deserved it (10804)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to it raining. My area really needs it, so it's great. I didn't expect to wake up to a hole in the roof though. FML

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML


I agree, your life sucks (28176) - you deserved it (8458)

On 03/11/2015 at 9:55am - kids - by birdisnottheword (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm. When I woke up, I checked my email again. There was no email from my professor. It was a dream. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41228) - you deserved it (6164)

On 02/05/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by DreamsDontComeTrue - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25368) - you deserved it (3667)

On 01/25/2015 at 8:41pm - work - by WhyMe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29810) - you deserved it (2599)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:27am - work - by Mishlette (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30097) - you deserved it (4556)

On 01/20/2015 at 1:14am - misc - by iamamermaid (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23232) - you deserved it (10305)

On 01/17/2015 at 8:54am - health - by badluck_jean (man) - France

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32062) - you deserved it (2355)

On 01/06/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by rimenrezon (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my coworker asked me if I was on a diet for my New Year's resolution. When I said no, she replied, "Why not?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (30700) - you deserved it (4201)

On 01/05/2015 at 1:08am - health - by FeelingFatastic - United States

Today, I went on a first date, only for us to find the restaurant wasn't open on New Year's Day. My date suggested going to the mall instead. We drove in our own cars. Me: the mall, him: home. I waited for 40 minutes before realising he'd stood me up. Happy New Year to me. FML


Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34479) - you deserved it (2777)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45405) - you deserved it (3653)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland)

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31816) - you deserved it (9082)

On 11/12/2014 at 11:00am - health - by juggalomurderer59 (man) - United States

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: