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Offline (the 05/13/2016 at 8:58am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 12 June 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 521
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About blazingturtle : Not really here to talk just the posts

blazingturtle's page activity

Visits<b>FuckThisLogin</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 7:33am<b>inlovey</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 9:33pm<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 5:14pm<b>kaylocca</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 3:46am<b>makeen4</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 7:38pm<b>hacksaw246</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 12:22pm<b>Queensland</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 3:56am<b>gjikvtj</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 11:01am<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:30am<b>PhilSnake22</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:42pm<b>SpeedToast</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 2:21pm<b>Meth5Life</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 10:35am<b>Mynameislinh</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 2:03pm<b>WCARlover</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 10:59am<b>Mistress420xX</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 3:20pm

blazingturtle's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of blazingturtle's badges

blazingturtle's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

by bye loser / 10/20/2014 at 5:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

by kids / 05/12/2014 at 1:17am / Kids

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

by watch_corn_dance / 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML

by sausagefingers / 10/22/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 7:08am / United States (Washington) / Holidays

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

by DangerZone / 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

by civic4life / 09/16/2009 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

by Kasizzle / 02/26/2009 at 9:13am / United States (Colorado) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

by EpicFail / 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals