This member hasn't filled in their description.
bjf21's FML badges
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
bjf21's favorite FMLs
by Smeagogole / 07/02/2015 at 12:30am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
by CaptainFluffyPaw / 06/28/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by college estudiata / 06/26/2015 at 8:57pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML
by tycrist8 / 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML
by Iamsosorry / 06/22/2015 at 7:35am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work
Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML
by notgay / 06/21/2015 at 2:04am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
by Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III / 06/14/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML
by McFuckYouTooCunt / 06/11/2015 at 9:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML
by Anonymous / 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML
by sad and hungry / 06/06/2015 at 10:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…