Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13618
  • Number of comments : 496
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About birdfreak : Stuff about me is supposed to go here, but I have nothing interesting to say...
Have a lovely day!

birdfreak's page activity

Visits<b>Nail7777</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 6:10am<b>RawrPancaked</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 1:47pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 8:58pm<b>AscendV</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:39am<b>hfudge</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:28pm<b>ricardof</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 9:04pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 2:11pm<b>raven83</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 12:34pm<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 4:42am<b>nerdtron430</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 7:34pm<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 2:49pm<b>aredvulpix</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 11:16pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 7:19am<b>Cian_1</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 7:07pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 10:06pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 1:26pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 3:29pm<b>03stroker03</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 9:16pm

birdfreak's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of birdfreak's badges

birdfreak's favorite FMLs

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML


I agree, your life sucks (69982) - you deserved it (35462)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, while mowing, I found a baby bunny and took a picture of it. 20 minutes later, I accidentally ran over said bunny with the mower. FML

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36893) - you deserved it (3602)

On 03/04/2014 at 7:25am - misc - by Staying Home Today (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51573) - you deserved it (10045)

On 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by lovely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43492) - you deserved it (6933) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35900) - you deserved it (17670)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML


I agree, your life sucks (48164) - you deserved it (9468)

On 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37329) - you deserved it (29836)

On 12/30/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41132) - you deserved it (3266)

On 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by LeaveHimAlone (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42919) - you deserved it (10059)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33498) - you deserved it (8437)

On 12/26/2013 at 7:08am - love - by anon - Australia

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52918) - you deserved it (4022)

On 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML


I agree, your life sucks (57368) - you deserved it (7494)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML
  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: