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bioss89

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bioss89

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  • Town/Country : Uk, Russia
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 222
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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bioss89's page activity

Visits<b>feetlvr</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 5:51pm<b>norse21</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 8:36am<b>KatieMajestic</b> - the 09/24/2013 at 6:52am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 8:01am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 8:47am<b>GothickNihilist</b> - the 01/25/2013 at 10:10pm

bioss89's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of bioss89's badges

bioss89's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18291) - you deserved it (3340)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16154) - you deserved it (48523)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

#21336619
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32640) - you deserved it (5240)

On 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

#21314515
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28242) - you deserved it (3797)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:19pm - love - by thatsnice - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

#21311698
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27842) - you deserved it (2387)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33294) - you deserved it (3932)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41346) - you deserved it (4347)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43156) - you deserved it (9407) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38623) - you deserved it (6636)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39359) - you deserved it (4429)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51033) - you deserved it (10023)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57050) - you deserved it (4851)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55131) - you deserved it (27665)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)



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