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bigphill1333

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bigphill1333
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1205
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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bigphill1333's favorite FMLs

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

#14968643
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44124) - you deserved it (8911)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

#14967873
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7417) - you deserved it (44631)

On 02/14/2011 at 12:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

#14962241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26125) - you deserved it (2255)

On 02/13/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

#14954867
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13601) - you deserved it (54995)

On 02/13/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by RyanM - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

#14909703
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49075) - you deserved it (13033)

On 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm - love - by Samyett (woman) - United States

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

#14881052
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8844) - you deserved it (44956)

On 02/07/2011 at 10:47am - health - by Raprotcommander (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67080) - you deserved it (6317)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

#14825701
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29275) - you deserved it (5901)

On 02/03/2011 at 11:42am - misc - by Kere (man) - Sweden (Hallands Lan)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

#14802825
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17536) - you deserved it (62190)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by seepeezy32 -

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

#14673565
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9050) - you deserved it (40164)

On 01/22/2011 at 12:39pm - love - by jester777 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

#14644616
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28198) - you deserved it (6217)

On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

#14618568
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21935) - you deserved it (6419)

On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

#14614721
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22894) - you deserved it (6622) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I worked a full day and then went to a three-hour class. I got home at 9 PM, and before the door closed I heard, "There's a sink full of dishes for you." There are three able-bodied men in the house, all of whom got here hours ago and created that sink full of dishes. FML

#14558780
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25032) - you deserved it (3931)

On 01/12/2011 at 9:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

#14544910
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21318) - you deserved it (2797)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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