About bigcrazymike : Marriage has less beauty but more safety than the single life. It’s full of sorrows and full of joys. It lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love, and those burdens are delightful.
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bigcrazymike's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
by DeadScared / 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Scott / 09/15/2011 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Health
by Awesome. / 09/14/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
by unicorn / 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML
by candie / 08/26/2011 at 10:10pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 12:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Thebestman123 / 08/04/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by dukebluedevils13 / 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by soccerbuddyz / 08/03/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 8:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
by Savannah / 08/01/2011 at 5:20pm / United States (Alaska) / Money
by badbride / 07/26/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by unnamed / 07/25/2011 at 11:19pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML
by ypsitucky / 07/25/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back… Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly… Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be…