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bfsd42's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Blake Lawrence / 11/26/2012 at 1:59pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML
by overpriced coffee shop worker / 11/17/2012 at 1:35pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML
by lekijkerd / 11/17/2012 at 8:56am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Health
Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML
by scumbag i guess / 09/07/2012 at 8:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by tammy / 06/27/2012 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Love
by Nice / 05/01/2012 at 9:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by ANNIEDBD / 03/23/2012 at 5:44am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work
Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML
by daybyday / 11/22/2011 at 3:08am / Australia / Health
Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
by MY CAR / 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Animals
by pvtcab / 10/05/2011 at 2:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Money
Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML
by AngerManagement / 09/29/2011 at 4:04am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML
by gotanewmouse / 09/26/2011 at 6:37am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I’m an au pair. The little boy that I take care of announced during a family dinner that I… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…