Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (24 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5372
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 4 posted

About besosforme : Most of my favorite people on this site seem to have disappeared in the last 5+ years. =[
I know that if the actual FMLs don't make me laugh, the commenters definitely will. My favorites (some no longer with us, sadly) are: pendatik, DocBastard, TheIrishJaneDoe, perdix, every1luvsboners, RedPillSucks, KaySL, and occasionally, Freeze. There are a few others, but these members never fail to make me laugh, or want to thank them for being the (only) voice of reason in the comment threads.
I may not always have perfect grammar because I'm usually accessing this website on my phone, so I guess I can't be a true Grammar Nazi- but I appreciate those who are. You can call me "besos" or "BFM", or anything along that avenue. Gracias =] Happy FML-ing!

besosforme's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - 24 hours ago<b>yayaman</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 1:40pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 6:35pm<b>bassfisher100</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 5:13pm<b>hamiltonma</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 9:00pm<b>americanafrican</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:38am<b>weirdncrazy</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 10:41pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 12:57pm<b>daveyyyyh</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 10:23pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 3:16pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 2:41am<b>local77</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 9:01pm<b>nathansmith1211</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 6:50pm<b>thisguy22</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 3:41pm<b>whynotbliss</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 7:07pm<b>DerBuchmacher</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 9:11am<b>AyeTee77</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 1:03am<b>TheBigRichard</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 11:08pm

Fucked!<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 12:35am<b>bassfisher100</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 4:39am<b>Nahpets</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 7:52pm<b>nathansmith1211</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 12:50am<b>whynotbliss</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 1:07am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 10:24pm<b>VGQ</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 8:10pm<b>AyeTee77</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 6:25pm<b>Mons</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 5:35am<b>Shuff52</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 1:49am<b>CaptainSmith28</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 12:25am<b>FlendtDK</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 4:39pm<b>ronenlior</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 1:57pm<b>olpally</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 7:44am<b>WOTAN1488</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 12:30pm<b>Dingodile</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 10:12pm<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 8:29pm<b>xxjeramiahxx</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 4:00am

besosforme's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

See all of besosforme's badges

besosforme's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28017) - you deserved it (2841)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (22625) - you deserved it (2533)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29341) - you deserved it (2485)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31052) - you deserved it (2267)

On 05/01/2015 at 8:33pm - health - by I'm just sick, really - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML


I agree, your life sucks (46281) - you deserved it (4356)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34470) - you deserved it (4254)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33813) - you deserved it (4208)

On 02/06/2015 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22774) - you deserved it (39156)

On 01/14/2015 at 12:49pm - love - by middleagednurse - United States (Florida)

Today, after listening to a group of my friends ranting on about how much they love babies and can't wait to have them, I got to witness their looks of horror and disgust as I expressed my desire to not have children. I also happened to be the only girl there. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31350) - you deserved it (3516)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37800) - you deserved it (15143)

On 12/25/2014 at 4:13am - intimacy - by VCDUDE11FTW - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45928) - you deserved it (4248)

On 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm - love - by kitkat (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33762) - you deserved it (50654)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49663) - you deserved it (6851)

On 10/16/2013 at 9:33am - kids - by TiredMum - United States (Washington)

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML
  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: