About batman_516 : I'm not here to impress any of you.
batman_516's FML badges
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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batman_516's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
by Carrie G. / 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML
by arghgffhdfg / 07/14/2012 at 8:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
by Sad Sally / 04/24/2012 at 7:22am / United States / Health
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
by ultraattitude / 04/22/2012 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by oface13 / 04/16/2012 at 4:12am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
by ReallyBro / 03/21/2012 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML
by . / 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
by Cookie / 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm / South Africa / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
by scammed / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by PunkChik27 / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…