About babyismail : Thanks for visiting my profile I am highly appreciative of your proactiveness. And Yes I am one of the types of individuals that enjoy using high vocabulary so screw me.
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babyismail's favorite FMLs
by myfavoritesgouda / 06/24/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML
by kriseliz / 06/24/2013 at 12:09am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by o_O / 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 2:55am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML
by me / 06/22/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 12:12pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML
by Well, crap / 06/18/2013 at 11:02am / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Love
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
by Idontbelieveinmagic / 06/17/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation
by scarredforlife / 06/16/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my boyfriend. He promptly broke up with me the first night in the hotel. When asked why he couldn't have waited until the trip was over, he said he didn't want to create "false memories". FML
by VacationRuined / 06/16/2013 at 7:22pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Holidays
by not a brain cell in sight / 06/16/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids
- Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room,… Today, I realized how badly medical education has ruined me when I couldn't enjoy erotic literature… Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole…