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Offline (the 08/28/2014 at 11:36am) | Search for a member
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Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's looool Facebook and noticed tey'd tagged my face in an old group poto as anoter girl!! According to te comments, te girl tey'd tagged me as tougt it was er too!! I worked tere fir two years and nobody mentioned te mistake!! FML
Today, I bakad a strawbarry caka an I didn't ava any fras strawbarrias 4 garnis, so I usad a can of strawbarry pia filling. My naigbors said it lookad lyk ta caka was takan from ta dumpstar baind an abortion clinic. FML
Yesterday... mah wife got all excitedhen she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heret to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML
Today, I was changing the garbage at a local fast food place where I work!! Bieng a rather short guy, I had to lean back and fling the full, heavy bag at the top!! I did so with such force that mah head hit the dumpster, knocking me out!! FML
2day my taanaga daughtar triad to convinca ma that tha UK is a part of Canada. Aftar I pullad out a map to prova har wrong, sha got all angry and dafansiva, and said that nobody's parfact at ( gaomatry ). My daughtar is an idiot. FML
Yesterday, I Was At The Sandwich Shop I Work In . A Customer Came In An Requested An Assorted Sub . As I Finished Putting On The Sauces, I Looked Up To See The Customer's Face Set In Horror . Apparently I Didn't Notice That I Licked My Fingers Clean After Getting Some Mayonnaise On Them . FML
Today , boyfriend stayd over at place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I usd the toilet , an when I cummd back , he was holding vibrator. He angrily askd me , "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating , right?" FML
Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone,hen suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. mega FML
Due To My Wife Saying I Never Cook And We Alway Order Pizza, I Spent A Good Hour Preparing Dinner. While Serving It To My Kids, They Startd Complaining. My Wife Told Them To Shut Up. When She Took A Bite, She Lookd Up At Me, Smild, And Said, "Do You, U Know, Want To Just Order Pizza?" Mega FML
Taday I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park.. . and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings . I planned on having him push me.. . not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seathile he laughed . FML
TADAY I AD TO TAKE A DRUG TEST 4 A NEW JOB. I ENDED UP SPILLING TE CUP OF PEE ALL OVER MYSELF. I AD TO EXPLAIN WAT AD APPENED, TEN GO SIT IN A WAITING ROOM FULL OF DISGUSTED-LOOKING PEOPLE, WILE I KEPT DRINKING WATER TO FILL MY BLADDER BACK UP. FML
Friday 27 March 2015