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ayamekiba's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 3:21am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Geek
by thanksad / 08/22/2013 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML
by newbffswelcome / 08/04/2013 at 2:07pm / Vietnam (Ha Noi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
by So little trust. / 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML
by bloodprincess / 06/25/2013 at 1:13pm / United States / Animals
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML
by theydidsmellitthough / 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 10:14am / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by spellbound / 12/19/2012 at 9:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML
by ktreens / 10/19/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
by satanworshipper / 10/18/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Florida) / Work
- Today, my ex boyfriend told me he regretted dating me and told me that we should have just remained… Today at work, an old woman saw my picture of my son felt the need to come tell me what to do. I am… Today, while trying to play with my rabbit I got for Easter, he decides to go spastic, slicing my…