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awesomeo96

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awesomeo96
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 843
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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awesomeo96's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

#19053035
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22671) - you deserved it (7010)

On 02/11/2012 at 11:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28935) - you deserved it (4754)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

#18850340
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35473) - you deserved it (2186)

On 01/19/2012 at 12:44am - work - by bad luck? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

#18844188
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27264) - you deserved it (4507)

On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

#18829619
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38456) - you deserved it (9419)

On 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML

#18674853
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29588) - you deserved it (9296)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

#18663523
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8031) - you deserved it (24927)

On 12/31/2011 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by mark - United States

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

#18549843
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26786) - you deserved it (2066)

On 12/19/2011 at 12:03am - health - by suhleedah18 - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13308) - you deserved it (37030)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

#18336712
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26177) - you deserved it (2431)

On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

#18304597
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9757) - you deserved it (27184)

On 11/21/2011 at 1:23am - kids - by BadFather (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

#18272205
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28300) - you deserved it (4285)

On 11/17/2011 at 11:50am - work - by Chubby - United States

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

#18253650
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22278) - you deserved it (6695)

On 11/15/2011 at 5:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my license to carry a gun expired because my manager forgot to renew it. As I'm an armored car guard, this is a problem. In order to keep getting hours, my company transferred me to the coin vault. I just finished moving 15000 lbs of boxed coins. By hand. I'm stuck doing this for a month. FML

Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML

#18109383
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30340) - you deserved it (8405)

On 10/30/2011 at 4:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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