Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

awesomeo96

Search for a member

awesomeo96

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1685
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

awesomeo96's page activity

Visits<b>Damned_Architect</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 7:06am<b>hawkslax25</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 12:29pm<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 2:44pm<b>TiroC</b> - the 06/24/2013 at 11:58am<b>boredSOLDIER</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 10:48am<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 1:36pm<b>mortem</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 1:00pm

awesomeo96's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of awesomeo96's badges

awesomeo96's favorite FMLs

Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

#19608158
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24366) - you deserved it (6189)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by rongo12 (man) -

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32032) - you deserved it (3704)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

#19528006
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22866) - you deserved it (1907)

On 04/25/2012 at 4:50pm - work - by A Henderson (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

#19503572
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25403) - you deserved it (3509)

On 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

#19443098
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27156) - you deserved it (4949)

On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - misc - by uhhh what? - United States (Washington)

Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML

#19404370
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30446) - you deserved it (1986)

On 04/03/2012 at 11:40pm - misc - by Eliza - United States (Texas)

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

#19401228
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27493) - you deserved it (5340)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm - love - by jackmehoffa (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (2342)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

#19291503
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24968) - you deserved it (2891)

On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

#19276990
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25056) - you deserved it (3046)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by S. Michaels (man) - United States

Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML

#19270777
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (1707)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

#19091480
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20051) - you deserved it (4134)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:43am - animals - by parkertownparadise (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

#19053035
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26785) - you deserved it (7643)

On 02/11/2012 at 11:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32926) - you deserved it (5166)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: