awesomeo96

Search for a member

awesomeo96

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2800
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

awesomeo96's page activity

Visits<b>Damned_Architect</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 7:06am<b>hawkslax25</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 12:29pm<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 2:44pm<b>TiroC</b> - the 06/24/2013 at 11:58am<b>boredSOLDIER</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 10:48am<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 1:36pm<b>mortem</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 1:00pm

awesomeo96's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of awesomeo96's badges

awesomeo96's favorite FMLs

Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

by lspicknall / 05/12/2012 at 2:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

by rongo12 / 05/11/2012 at 5:41pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

by Kwalker3 / 05/06/2012 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

by A Henderson / 04/25/2012 at 4:50pm / United States / Work

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

by fuck / 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

by uhhh what? / 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML

by Eliza / 04/03/2012 at 11:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

by jackmehoffa / 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

by CDeVeney92 / 03/17/2012 at 12:37am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

by S. Michaels / 03/14/2012 at 11:17am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

by parkertownparadise / 02/16/2012 at 2:43am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2012 at 11:52pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy