avoriginiess

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Offline (the 07/05/2015 at 8:01am)

avoriginiess

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1745
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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avoriginiess's page activity

Visits<b>Jazzy793</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 4:17pm<b>g9m9brown</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 10:53pm<b>Queensland</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 6:41am

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avoriginiess's favorite FMLs

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

by Smeagogole / 07/02/2015 at 12:30am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

by lolatmylovelife / 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 3:06am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

by dump truck hater / 06/03/2015 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2015 at 3:03am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 3:39pm / Ireland (Laois) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2015 at 10:04am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

by khaoslife / 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

by { o } / 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2015 at 10:59am / United States / Love