About austinssquidgy : Happy and sad at the same time seems to be my thing now. Happy because I'm with the most amazing man in the world named Dominik, but sad because I just had to leave him on the other side of the world.
austinssquidgy's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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austinssquidgy's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
by fingwhore / 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML
by SofaKingPretty / 07/26/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
by John / 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML
by dumbass1991 / 12/12/2010 at 2:36pm / United States (Washington) / Geek
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love
Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
by Sigh / 09/13/2009 at 8:42am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
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