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au8r3yr0ss1

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au8r3yr0ss1
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3549
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

#1183263
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12315) - you deserved it (63488)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26465) - you deserved it (98731)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42672) - you deserved it (20006)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
663 comments

I agree, your life sucks (656090) - you deserved it (48819)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (183638) - you deserved it (27545)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

#597085
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34785) - you deserved it (79123)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
331 comments

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

#511174
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115501) - you deserved it (18201)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

#467270
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18099) - you deserved it (60468)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

#434812
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39902) - you deserved it (22366)

On 03/18/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by elevator-troubles (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML

#433810
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71862) - you deserved it (9009)

On 03/18/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by lemonjuice (woman) - United States (Maine)



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