About asylumlane : Quiet, honest, no time to pretend.
asylumlane's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
asylumlane's favorite FMLs
Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML
by Mexican / 06/18/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML
by crackie / 06/16/2016 at 1:45pm / Korea, Republic of / Work
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 4:21pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2016 at 9:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2016 at 12:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/07/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, a student threw her hot coffee at me after I told her I was giving her an F. For months I've been telling her she needs to hand in missing work, but she thought I was bluffing. She got suspended, but my clothes are still ruined and I still got burned. FML
by KayleeFrye / 03/05/2016 at 12:39am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish / 03/03/2016 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Work
by anonymous / 02/25/2016 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML
by Mycardoesn'tevenwork / 02/22/2016 at 3:16pm / United States / Transportation
by replaced / 02/21/2016 at 10:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by This guy / 02/20/2016 at 9:53pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 7:53am / United Kingdom (Merton) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
- Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's… Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there… Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he…