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astonedraccoon

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astonedraccoon

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 3 July 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 416
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About astonedraccoon : I'm here to laugh at the misfortune of others.

astonedraccoon's page activity

Visits<b>k_gils</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 10:58pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 10:12pm<b>stripes97</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 10:06pm<b>QQMorePlox</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 1:18am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 10:40pm<b>CaptMurdock</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 6:31pm<b>lennelleong</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 1:43pm<b>Drifting</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 1:01am<b>Alwaysontherun</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 6:02pm<b>aersie</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 8:40pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 9:49pm<b>xTrepidation</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 8:28pm<b>SpaceyKacey</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 4:57pm<b>RodzillaX</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 12:18pm<b>xxbvbsusanxx</b> - the 04/14/2013 at 9:33am<b>mokielove</b> - the 04/11/2013 at 9:35pm<b>im_joking</b> - the 04/06/2013 at 4:50pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 04/06/2013 at 12:22am

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astonedraccoon's favorite FMLs

Today, I met te most beautiful grl I've ever seen on te beac. I was nervous, but I just smiled an said, "Hey, your really pretty." Ten I let out a orrific fart. FML

#20816798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51749) - you deserved it (11065)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally talked mah boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I cummed an instinctively gripped his head with mah thighs. He panicked an we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51903) - you deserved it (11215)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show mah dad a picture on mah phone, mah boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but u can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65986) - you deserved it (12674)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Yesterday, at work as a gynecologist, I calld in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticd that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47491) - you deserved it (4891)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Yesterday, at work as a gynecologist, I calld in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticd that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47491) - you deserved it (4891)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today , ma 16-year-old son convincd ma 14-year-old daugter tat se wasn't allowd to use te ladies batroom at te sopping centre , because se wasn't wereing a dress like te grl on te sign . He told er grls in pants always usd te oter one . Se believd im . Tis is ma legacy . fat FML

#20580049
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42968) - you deserved it (6416)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

2day I realizd that I'm so lonely I can no longerhack off without bursting into tears an crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42442) - you deserved it (19407)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today looool I was taking a patient's blood pressure an listening 4 is pulse wit my stetoscope. I couldn't ear anyting so I adjustd te cuff an trid again. Still no pulse. He pointd out tat my stetoscope was te wrong way around an sneerd "You been smokin te reefer boy?" fat FML

#20535043
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13507) - you deserved it (32930)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today... mah boyfriend startd coming onto me... despite me being on mah period. He said it was okay... an we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread mah legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy... I did. He then yelld... ( I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA! ) an broke down in laughter.

#20533607
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56004) - you deserved it (14673)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today , I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bd with a hand down her pants , totally zond out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. mega FML

#20529387
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45373) - you deserved it (6877)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

I asked boyfriendhere he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No I mean at Wendy's. You know the hot girl from work?" FML

#20524344
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36787) - you deserved it (6094)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip!! There was a shift in geres and the metal in the seat began to vibrate!! My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing!! It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm!! FML

#20523671
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44830) - you deserved it (5624)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I lerened it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing yur phone off the balcony and sticking yur cigarette into yur pocket. FML

#20485916
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12154) - you deserved it (55602)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today , Mah Partner Was Inspred By 50 Shade Of Grey To Try Making Me Orgasm With A Full Bladder , Therefore Intensifying The Experience. He Was Right , It Was Mind Blowing. It Also Made Me Piss The Bed Fir The Frst Time In Twenty-odd Years. FML

#20445950
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34047) - you deserved it (6913)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

TODAY..!! MY SKYDIVING INSTRUCTOR CASUALLY REMARKED THAT HE WOULDN'T MIND ( DIVING INTO ) ME SOMETIME!! HE WAS STRAPPED TO MY BACK THE WHOLE WAY DOWN!! MEGA FML

#20434488
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36432) - you deserved it (3247)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)



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