assm1234

Search for a member

Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 10:11am)

assm1234

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 729
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About assm1234 : .

assm1234's page activity

Visits<b>shepsanders</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 12:55am<b>LiGhTMaGiCk</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 11:38am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 4:35pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 2:00pm<b>max367</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 12:25am<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 1:19am<b>Welshite</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 4:03pm<b>HelloooooNurse</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 10:38am<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 9:49pm<b>Thorvald22</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 2:35pm<b>luvbeccaxxx</b> - the 09/28/2013 at 1:57pm<b>aLiYaaH</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 4:07am<b>ljcarranza</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 11:37am<b>chickaslimshady</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 2:04am<b>gary3768</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 12:25am<b>Covenant74</b> - the 05/22/2013 at 1:34am<b>awesommessofpies</b> - the 05/05/2013 at 2:11pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 6:27pm

assm1234's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of assm1234's badges

assm1234's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

by and god shat / 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, it's been less than a week since I finally got a job, after over a year of searching. I just found out that there's about to be a wave of layoffs. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and already I'm going to lose my job. FML

by a fat fucking shit and proud of it / 06/28/2014 at 3:09pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

by Puzzlepiece / 06/28/2014 at 10:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

by fuckmeitsgettingworse / 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

by molliciousj / 02/19/2014 at 12:09am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 8:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

by fatbabysyndrome / 12/18/2012 at 12:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 1:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

by asdfasdf / 03/03/2009 at 10:38am / United States (Virginia) / Love