About ashleyylove3 : I'm a sarcastic ass hole.
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100 kick ass comments
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ashleyylove3's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
by half-dead in CA / 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
by stillhurting / 01/05/2014 at 4:45pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
by not-religious / 12/17/2013 at 4:16am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
by FML / 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML
by bella / 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by fuckadaisical / 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Intimacy
Today, my wicked mother has been with us for a week. She's already thrown away my daughter's favorite toy, broke my computer, scratched my oak table, stained my most expensive shirt, peed in our bed, and called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying for three months. FML
by longlongwinter / 12/05/2013 at 11:50am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Miscellaneous
by kittyboo_is_me / 11/19/2013 at 1:59am / Slovenia (Maribor) / Animals
by what_a_loner / 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by :( / 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Haberdashing / 11/13/2013 at 3:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by icyrebel25 / 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my new guy friend told me that he is madly in love with me. When I suggested "let's give it… Today, while kayaking with my family, I thought I saw a snake. I paddled closer to it while arguing… Today, I decided to sink low enough to sign up for one of those 'get paid for taking a survey site'…