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ashley_1499's FML badges

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ashley_1499's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (58327) - you deserved it (9577)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:44pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my wife's cat ran away. After spending a lot of money making "Lost Cat" flyers and driving around for hours passing them out and searching for her cat, he walked downstairs. FML

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (57472) - you deserved it (5091)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41691) - you deserved it (14277)

On 05/16/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by pissed off (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45058) - you deserved it (3657)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45214) - you deserved it (5884)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44219) - you deserved it (8971)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45383) - you deserved it (3793)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35158) - you deserved it (4864) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32875) - you deserved it (5208)

On 02/02/2012 at 4:31am - intimacy - by DieTrying - United States (California)

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35871) - you deserved it (3403)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:15am - work - by rawr -

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13802) - you deserved it (70747)

On 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

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Friday 2 October 2015

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