aseim9497

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aseim9497

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 974
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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aseim9497's page activity

Visits<b>Baustigt</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 10:50am<b>Tripartita</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 2:36pm<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 1:39am<b>Sharpshooterisle</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 10:16am<b>Jestingink31</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 2:38am<b>ihavenolifehaha</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 1:14pm<b>Ashd09</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:56am<b>maiiru</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 3:18am<b>Ca82vikings</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 12:57am<b>Loug</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 1:33am<b>olpally</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 10:23pm<b>jayeterror775</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 12:41pm<b>jen1682</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 3:39pm<b>Noah_stano</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 2:18am<b>poncho55</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 10:19pm<b>Emporer_416</b> - the 02/19/2014 at 11:58pm<b>fucMyLifeSoHard</b> - the 02/19/2014 at 11:23pm<b>mattsengale</b> - the 12/27/2013 at 10:47pm

aseim9497's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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aseim9497's favorite FMLs

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

by Karma / 04/21/2015 at 12:45pm / United Kingdom (Newport) / Work

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

by birthdaygirl / 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 12:43am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm / Switzerland (Bern) / Work

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, the stalker flatmate who has been obsessed with me since I first moved into the flat two years ago, graduated. Apparently he told everyone we are an item, because his parents and relatives were smiling and taking pictures of me from their seats two rows ahead of mine at the ceremony. FML

by Trillian87 / 06/28/2013 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

by asdffhhjk / 05/15/2013 at 4:08am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

by Denki / 01/30/2013 at 7:21am / China (Beijing) / Love

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

by dani0810 / 01/22/2013 at 6:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

by nicedoggy / 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 11:31pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

by courtneynaked / 02/07/2012 at 8:47am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous