About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.
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arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs
by fucklife / 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by Gurior / 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm / Canada / Intimacy
by ouch / 04/16/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML
by notacaveman / 04/16/2013 at 9:27am / Netherlands / Intimacy
by JRLJLS / 04/15/2013 at 5:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML
by NZgirl92 / 04/14/2013 at 10:29pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/14/2013 at 10:11pm / United States / Love
Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML
by jasminejzhu / 04/14/2013 at 5:58am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML
by MissedTheBoat / 04/14/2013 at 3:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML
by reallythough / 04/13/2013 at 2:07pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 6:23am / Canada / Work
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
by InfamousLastWord / 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…