About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.
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arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:42pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML
by work -_- / 04/22/2013 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML
by Stupid / 04/22/2013 at 2:58am / United States (Idaho) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML
by And you think I'M crazy? / 04/22/2013 at 1:06am / United States / Love
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
by Magicali / 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by jerk_ex_boyfriend / 04/21/2013 at 9:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by gamerguru13 / 04/21/2013 at 8:26am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML
by citylife / 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
by dentedmercedes / 04/20/2013 at 9:43am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
by S. Fancyson / 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…