About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.
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arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs
by Good Luck Chuck / 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health
Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:14pm / United Kingdom (York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:09pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by unforgettablee / 04/29/2013 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by AbhorrentApplication / 04/28/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
by a tad whipped / 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm / Australia / Money
Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML
by gibbette / 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Love
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
by stuckwithafamilyofcunts / 04/27/2013 at 4:23pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm / Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
by seekerglow176 / 04/27/2013 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by whathehell / 04/27/2013 at 4:28am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…
- Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give… Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the… Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because…