About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.
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arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs
by annoyedgirl / 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm / Germany / Love
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 11:00am / United States / Work
Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by DemiRawrs / 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm / United States / Health
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
by SecondBest,IGuess / 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
by good husband / 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada / Animals
Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML
by longsock123 / 04/30/2013 at 11:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Gioia / 04/30/2013 at 8:28am / Bulgaria (Vidin) / Love
Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML
by ShowerGirl / 04/30/2013 at 3:54am / United States / Money
Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML
by stupidquestionsstupidpeople / 04/29/2013 at 11:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
by SierraCheyenne / 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML
by random / 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML
by Wow. Really? / 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Love